A special brand of crack
by ChibiSoulReader
Summary: Hetalia, probably like you've seen it before...no probably better.
1. Sabotage

One hour word challenges

Chapter: Sabotage

...I got this =^_^=

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"You have to help me please!" Italy yelled and cried through the phone receiver to his German friend who had actually put the cell down and was now reading a paper. "Germany, I broke my car, I was driving and then it stopped and then smoke came out and then I cried! Oh Germany please help I don't know what to do blah blah blah…"

That insistent dribble continued on for some time, even long enough for Germany to take a nap and then drink a whole pack of beer upon waking up. When the whining and yelling had died down signaling the Italian wore himself out by talking, that's when he picked up the cell again.

"I'll be there soon."

Moments later Germany pulled into Italy's front yard and crushed all his beautiful Italian lawn gnome ornaments, slightly because he was drunk and mostly because he hated them, he had a strange hatred of gnomes.

"Italy!" Germany said as the Italian came running out of the house "What's wrong?"

"Well, you just murdered my gnomes and, my car is broken! Use your German brain to fix it, please."

Germany was slightly offended, just because he was German, buff, and good with his hands didn't mean he was automatically a great mechanic and knew how to fix cars, instead he was better at baking sweet pastries and making fancy clothes for his dog Dottles, if anyone cared to know, but since stereotypes are true, Germany was also very good at fixing cars.

"Okay Italia what's wrong with your car?"

"I just got the truck and it won't work anymore!" Italy led Germany to his drive way where it was parked. "I was hauling all of my designer clothes that I'll barely wear because I'm a nudist and an outrageous load of delicious pasta for my pasta baths when it stopped!"

Germany told Italy to get in and try starting the car and as he did Germany lifted up the hood and took a look inside, instantly his theory was correct.

"Your car is bad because it's American, you should have bought one from China or japan, and those never break, ever."

"What the cowboy shoes and Starbucks coffee!?" America materialized from thin air, in nothing but a white towel labeled hero, looking very shocked and very vulnerable. "Where am I and how did I get here?" He screamed as he tried to cover his naked body with his hands.

Italy jumped out of the car looking sad. "And when I press the star button in the car for Pasta, nothing happens!"

"Seriously, how the hell did I get here?" America pulled his towel up and approached the two. "Dude! Italy, nice truck, I didn't know you liked Ford F150's." America examined the truck and looked inside. "Dude, did you press the OnStar button?!...explains why I'm here…"

"Oh really, how so?" Germany asked curiously raising an eyebrow.

"Silly angry German man." America said as he got out and looked under the hood. "Only I can fix this truck, it is American made after all!"

"So can you fix it better than Germany?" Italy asked raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I can silly absentminded Italy. Stand back and watch."

America began to pull at some things and bang on some stuff as all car fixers do in America before he looked up at the Italian and German and signaled for some kind of tool Italy never heard of to be handed to him.

Germany handed America the wrench and from then on out became America's permanent little helper. Italy watched at the men began to fix the car, and of course the Italian hot sun had caused Germany to take off his shirt so now there were two muscular half naked attractive sensual sweaty sexy captivating suave productive men bending erotically this way and sexily that way working on his car. Occasionally they would began to argue and wrestle for tools like the start to same gay porn where they end up making love in the back seat, Italy got rather bored and went inside.

From inside Italy served a few nations refreshments at they watched the men work on Italy's car from windows throughout the house

"Oh Italy, thank you for setting this show for us I'm totally set on Germany x America!" Hungary smiled as she took more pictures she would edit in Photoshop. "These are some great shots I can give to Japan."

"Oh that's Okay Hungary- chan, I'm already taking some." Japan and Hungary shared a laugh as Italy continued to walk around and check on people.

"Hmmm… they do look nice out there…should I join?" France asked as he began to record a YouTube video that would get more hits than an Asian woman driver.

"You sod, all you're good for is cooking, and we're not in hell so stick to it!" England yelled Angry because stereotypes prevent his from creating edible food.

"Um Italy, how long will they be out there?!" asked Korea

"Probably for a while, I put pasta in the carburetor, mozzarella cheese in the engine and sauce in the gas tank."? Italy chuckled a bit before sitting down and joining in the non-consenting peep show.

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So I threw in a few stereotypes and some racy things and blah blah blah. Flame/comment/critique/ review and all that good stuff all you want ;)

OnStar- An insurance company (I think that's what it is) has a button in some American cars you press when you have a car accident, they will send help and stuff.


	2. Overwhelmed

One hour challenge

Chapter: Overwhelmed

I think this will be challenging -.-

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"Yo, Iggy!" In England's drive way America parked the truck Italy let him have because one, Italy was too stylish and suave to be driving a truck, he preferred a Volvo and two; it was an apology gift once he found all the half-naked pictures of Germany and him fixing a car floating around on the internet.

England ignored America, turned around, and continued to water his flower garden and sip tea and look at Big Ben and think nice thoughts about the queen and hate on France as America came up and gave him what America thought was a light and friendly punch to England's arm. Unfortunately America doesn't know his own strength and sent England head first into his rose bush and though the nice white picket fence behind them, effectively knocking him out.

Being a silly American, America bent down thinking the queen had showed up since England had dropped down, that or England wanted to have sex outside in that position. When America looked up to see if the queen had past he instead locked eyes with the innocent Liechtenstein.

"Hey, it's you!" America said because he barely knew the names of other nations because he didn't own a globe, because the only important place on the map was obviously the hero AMERICA !

"Hi America, I'm Li-"

"You know my name, now I feel _sort_ _of_ bad because I didn't know yours" America got up shook her hand. "Well Li, I know it now!"

"No America my name-"

"I know Li, I should stop being so full of myself and learn the names of other nations" Taking her hand, even though he never actually let it go in the first place, America began to lead Liechtenstein to his truck.

"America, I think I should be getting ho-"

America gasped. "Hoes!? Hoes are waste of money, I would know; here let me show you something better than a hoe."

America took Liechtenstein by the waist and threw her into the passenger side of his truck, then he climbed over her and got on the other side and started the truck.

Liechtenstein tried to open the door and leave but America stated the child safety lock was on and she would be going nowhere for a while so get comfy, and besides the fact that he was going 760mph over the sea back to America, if she jumped out of a moving vehicle he would have to explain at the world meeting why Li committed suicide and how he now owns her land and resources as says her will that was conveniently on her and fell off of her before she jumped out of the car….all that wasn't sounding too bad. America thought as he pulled out of that paragraph and into the drive way of his home. Jumping out he pulled Liechtenstein over and hoisted her up on his shoulder.

"I'm about to rock your world like the earth is a cradle and I'm the hands of GOD!" America said as he opened the door.

Somewhere in Europe Switzerland's cock blocking brother senses were tingling. "Hmmm…why hasn't Liechtenstein come back from England yet?!" The Swiss boy grabbed a Sniper rifle and headed to England's house picturing upon entering the English man would be with his sister in BDSM set up, then he'd get so angry he'd probably end up chaining England to a wall and then proceed to beat him with his own whip while he untied his innocent sister.

Meanwhile over at America's, orgasmic yeses could be heard all throughout his house and on into the basement.

"Told you this would be fun Li!" America said as he rapidly moved his hands back and forth. "And you're pretty good despite this being your first time ever." America stopped and brushed a strand of hair from her face and smiled while looking into her eyes for some kind of 'now you see I'm really a nice guy' effect.

"I think we should do this more often America." Liechtenstein smiled back and waited for him to continue.

"Here, let me dim the lights for effect" America a smiled as it got darker between the two.

At England's house Switzerland was getting a weird vibe as he kicked the passed out English man over out of the fence and more into the rose bush. Gradually coming back to reality England looked up at the boy.

"Please refrain from shoving your rifle down my throat." England looked over and sighed deeply, his beautiful flowers and fence were destroyed, and that meant he would now have to go and put on his brand new leather dress shoes to shove up America's ass.

"America…" England said calmly like a parent trying to get their child out of hiding so they can beat their ass.

"AMERICA!?" Switzerland yelled instantly knowing that was who his sister was with through some weird sister-brother telepathy like connection.

"Li, want to take a break?" America asked being considerate of Liechtenstein but she shook her head no and continued. "Wow, I've never met anyone like you, Canada always wants to stop half way into it and England only comes when he wants to but you've been here all day having fun with me and I can honestly say, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather survive a zombie apocalypse with."

Just then Switzerland and England busted in through America's doors ready to kick his ass when they heard his sappy little sentence to Liechtenstein, for they were on the couch in the living room where the front door was located. At that moment the bright waves of joy that were eradiating from the bodies of Liechtenstein and America blinded England and Switzerland, so they walked behind the sofa and looked at them.

"Wanker, what are you doing with Liechtenstein?!" England leant over the sofa and looked at the T.v and watched as Liechtenstein killed zombie after zombie.

"Yo Iggy, me and Li are playing Left 4 Dead want to join?" America motioned for him to grab a controller which he did but then proceeded to throw it at America's head; it connected.

"No, you sod, I hate this game, and who the BLOODY HELL is Li?"

From the ground America pointed to Liechtenstein. "That's Li, the best girl gamer in the world, and my best friend from here on out! And we're going to sit and play games until I win against her!"

"Like hell." Pointing his rifle at America Switzerland grabbed Liechtenstein from the sofa and hoisted her over his shoulder. "Her name is Liechtenstein!" After shooting the Ps3 , TV and one of the wireless controllers on the floor Switzerland turned and began to walk away, on his back Liechtenstein waved goodbye to America.

"Her name wasn't Li…she lied to me?! And now I can't play games or watch porn in my living room!?" Grabbing hand fulls of his hair with both hands, in a distraught fashion, America yelled no towards the roof and fainted from an overwhelming feeling of loss and hurt.

England position America in the standard anal receiver position and proceeded to ram his leather shoe up his back area. Then he went home and drank some tea and watched Dr. Who.

The end

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-sigh- well, that's over with and done, probably will get a flame and some mean PMS calling me a stupid mcdumby face! Oh well, Flame/review/comment/that other option. d (^_^)b anyways on tho the next chap babe


	3. Winning

One hour challenge

Chapter: Winning

I'm a winner d(^_^)b

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France rolled over out of bed and looked at his clock; 4:45am too early. So he went back to sleep, damn anticipation.

France rolled over out of bed and looked at his clock; 1:30pm … extremely late

Gracefully springing out of bed, like any other French man, France quickly got dressed. After running a few red lights, honking at the old ladies crossing slowly, driving on when they crumble and grab their chest and then stopping only ONCE to give a rather attractive hotdog vendor his number, France pulled up and parked at a small café. Quickly he jumped out and headed towards the outside table area in the back, looking around wildly he didn't see the glossy golden locks of his son Canada anywhere. Another rather attractive yet unnamed waitress approached France.

"A young man just left and said that when an attractive blonde comes in tell him I'm gone. And not invisible so don't look. "

"Well, that wasn't for me madam because my psychic told me that when a beautiful lady comes and tells me some news that isn't mine I must ask her out." That sounded much better coming from the mouth of the Frenchman because he did even say that, his pickup line went like this.

_You find me attractive, come, let us chat._

And then she was swept off her feet and taken to France's house were they made passionate but empty and meaningless love into the late afternoon and on into night.

France rolled over in bed and opened his eyes to see an attractive and naked hot dog vendor lying there, turning the other way France saw an attractive and also naked waitress cuddling up to his pillow. Getting up France hoped the two attractive people would fall for each other, and then get out of his life. They were an odd pair to sleep with; wieners and tea were the only things France could remember as he glided past a calendar marked.

_Meet Seychelles in the park 3:30 by the fountain! Don't forget! _

"Now, what should I eat for breakfast…oh no." Quickly looking at the clock Francis saw it was 2:50 and thank god he had enough time to get ready and go to meet Seychelles at the park. Once France got to the park it was 3:30 on the dot so he waited for Seychelles to arrive. Half an hour later she still hadn't come and he began to worry when a clown came by.

"Don't be sad! Be glad." The clown danced in front of France but he only looked off kind of annoyed.

The clown took a seat beside France and began to blow up balloon…humans.

"Yesterday there was a little girl, who was waiting for her father." The clowns showed him a pink balloon and a blue balloon. "She waited 7 hours sitting in the rain." He threw the pink balloon in the fountain "The father never came." Then he popped the blue balloon.

'Mon cher, you're very depressing." France said

"And you're a bloody loser." The clown got up and walked away.

France continued to sit even though he knew now; he was waiting for no one.

After a few hours of the sitting at fountain having cold water spash on his back. coming through his clothes, France fell back into the fountain, grabbed the pink balloon girl and floated around, but since it's illegal to play in the fountain he was arrested, he did care.

France laid back on his little jail mat and wondered when he would be getting out when suddenly magical fairy dust fell into his eyes and Francis was put to sleep, when he awoke he was in a regular bed.

"France!" Seychelles hugged France as he lifted up out of bed while Canada came in with a clown.

"France, are you okay." Canada stood behind Seychelles holding his bear. "You know, you were in a lot of trouble, but England helped." Canada pointed to the clown

"England?!"

"Side job, but that's not important you sod, how could you neglect your kids so much." England threw his clown nose at France who began to tear up.

"I'm sorry I was late Canada, and I'm sorry you waited 7 hours in the rain for your papa Seychelles."

"…I didn't wait 7 hours in the rain, I went home after 4." Seychelles looked back at Clown England.

"What, I needed something that rhymed with came."

"wha?..well I suppose it doesn't matter, we're all together now." Canada said as he sat opposite of Seychelles and both hugged their father.

"And that's all that counts." France said as he hugged his children back.

England smiled at the France he saw before him, today he wouldn't think of his a bloody wanker, today he was kind of a winner for having such a loving and great family. A small tear came to his eye, which everyone saw it even though he denies it, so he was invited into the group hug.

…..

"Your' an ugly clown"

"And you're still a wanker!"

"Both of you shut up and enjoy the hug until the end"

"Okay Seychelles cher"

The end

"Wanker"

–the sound of England being beat with a fish echos through the house-

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Winner / winning it's all the same word to me. Bwahahaha -.- that's over with next Challenge please!


	4. Picnicking

One hour challenge

Chapter: picnicking

Woot, I can do this!

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"Man, I wish there was something awesome to do today!" Prussia glanced down at his memo and sighed deeply at all the 'bother Hungary and Austria' dates he had scheduled.

Why couldn't Austria be more manly, then fighting with him would be fun, and why did Hungary get a sex change, she was so much better as a boy. Confused about his mixed feelings for his childhood friend Prussia stared out the window and turned on Céline Deion's 'my hear will go on' that Titanic song. "I wish something interesting would happen and brighten my day…or at least get me laid."

"Wish granted wanker!"

"What?" Prussia said, confused as to why someone had just interrupted Celine's song and his sexy staring out the window moment.

England, in a white, whatever the hell he was wearing, it kind of looked like an angel costume but he had embarrassingly small little wings and a dinky stick with a golden star on the end so it was like he was in more of a shitty tooth fairy then an angel.

"I'm not a Bloody tooth fairy!" England said as he dropped three bottled of Germany's finest German beer and pointed at Prussia.

"West is going to kick your as-" Prussia was stopped by a finger to the lips.

"Shhhh…Don't fight it Prussia, let the magic soothe your soul and grant your deepest wishes." Spinning sporadically England did a barrel roll out of the window as Prussia's room began to spin making Prussia feel like he was on some roller coaster and had just eaten chili cheese fries but they didn't go down to well and the guys behind him were going to be some mad motherfuckers when it was over.

"That is the LAST time I buy any brownies from Netherlands." Prussia said before he awesomely fainted from the dusty magical spinning epicness of his room.

Moments later, Prussia assumed, he rolled over.

"Hey baby, when did you get in town?"

"DA FUQ GILBIRD?! …oh right I'm high." Prussia reached up to rub his eyes when silver feathers smashed him in the face and he fell over.

"MMMmmmmMMMM, If I wasn't with Puffin, I'd be all in that as-" Gilbird's creepiness was interrupted by Prussia's screaming. "What's wrong Babe?!"

"I'm a bird?!." Prussia brushed his sexy new silver bird body off as he stood up.

"And a Sexy finch at that grrrr." Bird Prussia struggled with his long, yet still sexy regardless that he was a bird, legs and he ignored Gilbird. "So, what nation do you wipe your ass on?"

"What! You wipe your ass on Prussia, the Awesome Prussia!" Bird Prussia walked towards Gilbert but Gilbird flew off.

"He's not that awesome, not awesome like me babe." Gilbird flew off and out the window. "Heck, He's never been laid, unlike me!"

"…What the hell is going on?!...I am to awesome!" Prussia flew after Gilbird; it only took milliseconds for him to get used to flight. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to meet up with some friends, wanna join babe."

"…Uh, no I need to find England."

"What a sexy coincidence, that's where I'm going! Follow me babe, I'll get you to England's." Gilbird said as he looked deeply into Prussia's eyes. "I'm in love!"

"…that's nice…" Gilbird led Prussia to a dark attic somewhere in England's territory.

"Waz up! Gilbird's in da house dumkoff! " Gilbird yelled out as many other animals began to appear.

"What is up!" Australia's possessed koala bear came from the darkness of some shadows and high paw winged him.

"Yo guys! " Seychelles sword fish joined in the circle and high fin winged Gilbird.

_What the hell is this…I think I should fly away, _ but unfortunately the author wouldn't let Prussia miss this scene.

"Like, what up bitches!" Poland's pony came in through some door followed by Germany's dogs.

"Hey guys, I'm glad we all made it!" China's panda paw winged Gilbird and then hugged the sword fish. "Looking tasty!"

"Try it and I'll stab your eye out." Threatened the fish.

"Oh yeah, well bring it." Egged the panda

Just as a fight was about to break out a random spotlight came on in the attic shinning on a white egg shaped chair.

"Will you all please SIT DOWN AND STOP ACTING LIKE WILD ANIMALS!" Quickly all the animals ran to a sitting position around the chair as it began to spin. Gilbird grabbed Prussia and sat him down next to him.

"Thank you, I'm glad we can all act civil. Now, on to the master plan." In the chair Kumajiro, Canada's Bear, spun observing the group and petting Mr. puffin. "What the?! What are you doing here?"

"Uh…I just wanna help out?"

"NO TONY, you stupid alien. Only earthly _animals_ are allowed to take the over earth, go take over mars or something!" Defeated by Kumajiro's brilliant logic tony the alien left the room. "Okay back to the master plan, us animals will take over the world and kill, or enslave, all nations. All in agreement say aye."

Every animal said aye

"Folks in disagreements say: YOLO!"

"…Yolo…?" chirped Bird Prussia.

"Great, now let's go attack the nation's annual picnic!" Kumajiro jumped from the chair and lead the animals out of the attic and then that's when Prussia realized why he had been turned into a bird. It was up to him to stop the hostile animals take over, basically now the fate of the world's nations rested in his hands and only he could save them. Prussia remembered that this year the picnicking ceremony would be held in England so everyone was already close by unknowing of the impending animal take over.

"…." Prussia fell on to the attic floor in a fit of laughter. "pftt animal take over, yeah right."

20 minutes later.

"Ya bitch!" Finland's reindeer had tied Finland to a sleigh and where now whipping him like it they were BDSM dominants.

Germany was being forced to eat dog food by his own dogs. "Yeah! See how that taste, taste like shit doesn't it! Why didn't you buy us the good stuff?! Why!"

And atop them all Kumajiro sat, in the same white egg shaped chair, holding a leash around America's neck looking superior.

"You there! Pour the maple!" Poor canadia was forced to feed Kuma pancakes until America had to carry him off for his nap.

"Whoops…should have stopped this…." Prussia flew over the scene until he saw Gilbird perked in a tree, crying. Even though Gilbird was a trash talking version of France in bird form Prussia went to go see what the was matter with him.

"ugh..gilbird what!"

"MAKE LOVE TO ME I'M SO UPSET!" Gilbird wrapped his wings around a now very uncomfortable bird Prussia and sobbed.

"um, not awesome Gilbird…."

"you remind me of Prussia, awesome this and awesome that….now….I don't even know where he is so I cant enslave him!"

"ugh…yeah…" Bird Prussia patted the crying birds shoulder, who knew birds could cry and why are all the animals so damn evil, Prussia thought he should ask? "So, why did the animals take over the world again?"

"We were never invited to the annual nation picnics!" Gilbird sobbed into Bird Prussia's feather. "All I wanted was some potato salad."

"Oh really?"

Moments later

"Happy now?" Bird Prussia said as he watched all the animals sit down and eat potato salad he stole from England's house. Bird Prussia's bird Prussia laughed manically as one by one the animals fell over into a coma. "awesome!"

"Then every nation bowed down to bird Prussia and thanks him for their freedom! They even made a new nation out of the entire left half of Europe," Awesome New Brid Prussian state' they called it. Then every one lived happily ever after in Prussia land!"

"….Prussia, that was the shitiest story I ever heard." Hungary yelled as she stood up and threw a frying pan towards Prussia. "Get iff the stage!"

All the other nations in the crowd laughed at Prussia's pain, and gladly kicked him off stage, never again would Prussia be allowed to tell the annual story at the annual picnic. To bad they didn't take heed to his fortune telling like story.

20 minutes later.

"Ya bitch!" Finland's reindeer had tied Finland to a sleigh and where now….

To be continued?...

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That, right there is complete crack, not cracked a lot, but cracked enough XD.


	5. tormet

One hour challenge

Chapter: torment

If reading this isn't tormenting your brain by now, I've failed

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England sat in his house sipping tea laced with vodka when he heard a crash come from somewhere in the back of his house.

"hmm…Either America has just drove his truck through my back door again, or my eros stash caught on fire…again."

It was neither of those things, and just as England sat his tea down and got up to go see what was the matter a giant wrecking ball came through a window and slammed into England. Had he been a human being he would have been crushed to oblivion or exploded into a million tiny itty bitty English bits but instead England blasted off into the sky. "Oh darn, I wasn't able to finish me drink."

"Honhonhon ! Take that you tea drinking asshole." France said, very much out of character, at the controlling seat of the wrecking ball.

Then next day America woke up with an eviction notice on his door because his left over fast food papers had cause an infestation of giant hissing roaches that would occasionally kidnap children in the neighborhood. So, America had to room with Canadia for a while, or until that blew over. He figured it wouldn't be too bad since they're brothers and Canadia loves him so much.

America knocked on Canadia's door and waited for his happy bro to answer, and then he waited, and waited and waited. "Yo, Canadia! Open up, it's cold out here! ACHOO! Oh great, frozen snot is on my face, I'm gonna barf dude."

Little did America realize, Canadia came to the door well over two hours ago and opened it welcoming his brother in, but America just stood there like Canadia wasn't a real sapient being so Canadia shut the door and went back to watching his hockey game.

America caught a cold from being out in the snow, but on the bright side Canadia dragged his icicle of a brother inside, and he was nice enough to also take care of him and not charge him rent for being a freeloader.

"Yo, Canadia! What are we eating for breakfast?" America called from bed the next day as Canadia brought in a steaming platter of canadia home cooking.

"Oh sweet, Pancakes! Thanks bro, you're the best!"

Moments later

"Yo, Canadia! What are we eating for Lunch?" America called from bed as Canadia brought in yet another platter of Canadia awesome.

"Pancakes again, awesome! Thanks bro!"

More moments later

"Yo, Canadia! What are we eating for Dinner?" America called from bed as Canadia brought in yet another platter of what else but Canadia goodness….and America's medicine.

"Pancakes…is this all you eat? You're trying to kill me…We're going to MacDonalds bro."

"It's still breakfast time; I thought you were asking for 2nds and 3rds?" Canadia said as his sick brother drove them to a French- canadia McDonalds.

"You, canadia- Frenchie!, I want a Big mac, large fry, two apple pies, a smoothie and a …another big mac…..all supersized." America said to the Macdonald's team member who just stared at him.

"He doesn't speak English America….and don't call people canadia- Frenchie, it's insulting!"

"Well, order for me in canadia lingo, I'm gonna rest my sick body." America went and sat somewhere to wait for his bro to return. Canadia came back with a 'to go bag', which wasn't to America's likings, since he went inside so he could get seconds and thirds of MacDonald's healthy and delicious food if he wanted too, and would have done so. But before he could complain Canadia was already outside in the car.

On the ride home Canadia was now carrying the bag because America tried eating and driving but before he even reached the bag he collided into a semi-truck that was transporting extremely hot maple syrup. Canadia's car was totaled so they got out and watched the semi-truck roll down a hill and exploded all over a local ice skating ring, melting the ice and trapping hundreds of skaters in the quick freezing syrup. Thankfully America pointed out that a pack of wolves had appeared from the forest and had come to help the children out before they were sucked down into a syrup death before they hopped into a truck they had flagged down with some midget canadia singing old McDonald's farm. Canadia was at least put to rest about the children being rescued but really he was still upset about all the wasted maple.

"Finally some really food!" America said happy as he jumped out of the truck and waved goodbye to the midget and Canadia passed him the bag.

"CANADIA!" America yelled and shoved the bag back in his face. "Do you smell that?"

"…the calories?"

"NO! This is a Pancake platter! And it's not even supersized and there is no syrup in the bag."

"You haven't even looked in the bag?" Canadia said and opened the bag only to see America was right, for once. "Well I got the wrong order but it won't kill you to eat it"

"…W3 R G0Ing BaK!"

"One, why did you text me when I'm beside you and Two, YOU KILLED MY CAR! WE WONT BE GOING ANYWHERE FOR A WHILE." Canada said in a high whisper.

"Can't you use your Canadia powers and call on some moose or wolf sled or something? " America said.

"…I told you not to bring that up ever again!" Canadia said as two moose appeared. "Never again America! I left that life behind me."

"What ever dude, yaa moosey!" America said and Canadia followed.

Moments later America began to have an imaginary race with Canadia so his moose threw him off and left leaving America to ride Canadia…'s Moose.

"Dude, make this thing go faster." America said and pulled the reign causing the moose to fly like a reindeer-moose.

"Look what you've done now America! It's Christmas parade mode." Yelled Canadia

"It's your magic moose, you control it!" yelled America back

Tired of the two idiots on its back the moose did a spiral twirling loopy spin and America and Canadia fell off and landed safely in an exceptionally large pile of mud.

"Dude I think we landed in shi-" America began but stopped as Canadia began to twitch in anger. "Oh don't worry little brother here, I'll use my hero power to get us some rides." Moments later, giant horse sized hissing roaches scurried to America, and Canadia who died a little on the inside when America told him to hop on one.

"Is it _that_ important to eat McDonalds?!"

"It's the only thing that matters!" America said as they scurried away.

Some more moments later

"Look, I can see the golden arches rising over the horizon canadia, isn't it beautiful!"America said as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye.

"You really need help with your _fast food_ problem." Canadia said as a group of children covered in syrup stepped into the path of the scurrying roaches that immediately stopped and began to hiss wildly.

"Oh, shit." America said.

"What do you mean 'Oh shit'?" Canadia asked as America's body suddenly flew over his head. "What the?!"

Then just like America, Canadia was thrown off into the snow as his roach ride stood up on its hind legs and began to hiss and drool and flap it's wings and head towards the children.

"..WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Canadia yelled probably out of character but not completely.

"Well, back home I tried to keep them inside but when they saw kids they would go crazy and want to play but…I always fed them maple so they would calm down like how clam you are and it worked, but that's how they got so big, weird reaction or something, so I guess now they're just really happy? They've got kids and Syrup!"

"You kept those motherfuckers inside your house?!" Canadia screamed.

"Canadia…that was completely out of character." America said as he watched the wolves from earlier jump out of the woods and take a fighting position in front of the group of bug food…I mean children covered in syrup. "Oh shit something is about to go down…. let's watch!"

After watching the epic battle between Wolves and horse sized roaches come to an end, because both sides were feeling bad about not listening to the children's wishes of wanting everyone to be friends. So the animals finally agreed when a kid jumped in between a roach attack and exploded but he was an alien so his body reformed and they were all like m'kay let's be friends. America and Canada watched as the alien children rode into a space ship beam on the backs of the wolves and roaches where they promised they would take care of them forever and always be friends and never eat each other, no matter how delicious they looked.

"Whoever is writing this is probably most likely high."

"You would know, Mr. legal drugs." America said as he wiped yet another tear from his eye. "I thought it was a beautiful ending, plus I can go home, the roaches are gone!"

"Hey, look America." Canadia pointed to a McDonalds that was down the street from them. "Come on, let's get you that burger eh!" Canadia said happy that he finally said eh in the story, oh, and, because America would be getting the hell out of his house.

"FINALLY!" America said as he sat down and Canadia brought one big mac, saving for a new car, and gave it to America.

"Yes Baby!" America said as the hot and oily steam rose into his nose and woke the American beast inside of him up. "Come to Daddy and satisfy him!"

"I'm Glad you're happy America." Canadia said as England crashed through the ceiling.

"NOO." America said in slow motion as he watched England accidentally devour his burger in one bite due to speed and velocity and the angle of his fall.

"Oh my, did I just eat that trash." England said as he got up and brushed himself off like a gentle man then straightened his tie and picked off ceiling crumbs from his jacket and then went and apologized to management for the destruction. When he got back he stepped on America's face for fun and turned to Canadia.

"Well, at least I couldn't taste it due to the speed I was going. Canada is that you, would you like to join me for tea this evening, my treat?"

"Oh, sure England, I have no car to take us anywhere though." Canadia said.

"Oh that's okay." England said before he summoned two unicorns and rode off to a café with Canadia.

"Sir?"

"What." America said through tears as he lay face down in the ruble, before the canadia- French MacDonald's team member from before kicked him over.

"That man said you would be paying for the damage."

America shot up in shock.

"You speak English! And this entire time I could have just order for myself, why did you torment me like that?!"

"…I'm not a canadia frenchie and I hate ignorant Americans."

"Oh, well that answer suffices America said before he summoned a burgermobile and drove back to his mess of house to play Halo 56 sneek peak curtsy of japan."

the end

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Thank you readers! And Commenters! Also I'm not high, I swear. :D


	6. dueled

One hour challenge

Chapter: dueled

loling!

* * *

Italy was at Germany's house annoying Germany for the 9,352,362,345 time when Sealand ran from the kitchen crying because his lego's set had caught on fire and melted into a puddle of awesome, as Prussia puts it. But since Sealand wasn't an actual nation or a pretty woman Italy didn't acknowledge him and that pissed Sealand off.

"Now, I will make all of you bitches pay for not accepting me as a nation!" Sealand said as he pulled out a magical book he stole from England's house and then recited magical words that only those with eyebrows as thick as Germany's dick could say.

After a loud explosion Italy woke up in 3D japanese game world, probably WoW for all I know.

"Ve! How do I get home now?!" Italy cried towards the screen in the sky that showed Sealands redundant smiling face.

"You play, THE GAME!" Then suddenly Tripple H and heartbreak kid fell from the sky and DX'd Italy's ass the hell out of a ring, they just so happen to be in.

Meanwhile another nation, that also freeloads off Germany, just so happened to be transported into the same game world and was now wondering around but stopped when he heard the crying of some woman in the distance.

"umm, miss?" Prussia said as he approached the woman un-knowing that she was a witch from left 4 dead.

"Nooo!1111ooooooo!" America dived on Prussia from out of nowhere. "That's a witch!"

"Fatass, that's a woman." Prussia said as he amazingly got up from nearly being crushed to death by america's lard ass.

"No, watch this, England go be a gentleman and check on that crying woman."

And on England went much like the light brigade soilder he is on the inside and things played out pretty much like they should have. England got within touching range, the witch shrieked like a retarded banshee, then proceeded to chase and claw at a screaming England until Canada blew its head off with a Uzi a magical unicorn had handed him sometime back when he had just entered the game. Then Canada gained experience and leveled up and got an up grade on his Uzi, but no one really cared.

"Oh dear, I think I got infected witch blood on me!" England said as yet another video game monster walked from the woods they happened to be by, in fact it was a whole group of this particular monster.

"Every body, stfu." America said as faceless zombie nurses from silent hill cripple walked their asses out into the clearing. "Just let them pass."

But unfortunately that was when gravity was an ass, as usual, and dropped Italy there creating a loud crashing noise that alerted the nurses who began to chase the male nations like the group of whores they are.

Nothing could make this any worser Prussia thought and of course he was right. So, as he was running his five meters grew 10x in lengthen and vaulted him over an on coming wall, of course all the other nations grabbed onto him and vaulted to safety away from the nurses. Yay!

However on the other side, cooking mama and that one my little pony that makes cupcakes all the damn time began to force the group to cook pastries for they had found a bonus level, but whatever that wasn't as bad as what was happening to Austria.

Austria was facing off against the most evals of evals, the kind of eval that makes grown men scream like pre teen girls at a Justin beaver concert. Austria, armed with nothing but a fly swatter, batted a spider that had made it's way onto his piano, but his manly manliness he crushed his instrument and the spider so now he'd need to go get italy to clean up the icky mess and Germany to rebuild the piano, so he set off on his rainbow beams of teleportation to Germany's glad that battle was over.

Back in the game however.

Canada, England, Italy, America, and Prussia had escaped the evil cupcake pony and cooking mama but were now in a house being controlled like sims, it wasn't bad until England caught on fire while trying to cook, sadly cooking mama taught him nothing, and the Grimm reaper appeared to take his soul to simulation hell...or heaven, whatever.

"No!" And America proceeded to easily win England's soul back in a game of rock, paper, scissors with the reaper

Grimm, in a Jamaican accent, was not happy and voiced his complaint in a fortune-telling. " You will all die." Then flames rose up while Billy and Mandy appeared and took him away.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" England said as he pulled on the locked front door and a key blade appeared and fell from the ceiling into Italy's hands with a note attached that said 'use the force!'

"ve?" he said as he followed the other nations deeper into the house while a creepy tune on a low scale began to play only to be later cornered in a three-way a hall by the alien from Hetaoni, a gatherer from amnesia, and a pyramid head from silent hill 2 .

"...Fuck this..." America said as he began to fade away.

"yep, I'm rather bored" England said as he also began to fade.

"What the hell's going on with your bodies?" Prussia asked as America explained how Canada England and he were at his house playing with the virtual helmets Japan had sent over and now they were logging out, kind of like .hack/ but, you can log out when scary ass enemies come up.

"What the hell, I'm actually in this game! how do I get out!"

"...we'll go ask japan, just don't die okay that might be bad?" Then America and England logged out.

"I'll stay by your side Prussia." Canada said as Pyramid head knocked him unconscious and dragged him away for sexual torture in a dark room.

"well, at least Italy wont log out until I die, right italy."

"If I was wearing a helmet I would have left minutes ago...ve~"

Then Prussia hugged italy in the most un manliest way possible and began to sob as the alien and gatherer began to approach but then a blue blur, at mach 5 speed, grabbed the two and dropped them off in a safer place of the house.

"Thanks sonic." said Canada who was also rescued.

"Who?" said Italy who watched sonic be sucked into a dark portal, instantly obliterating him, and then the key blade he obtained from earlier glow and lift from his hands. Strangely he could hear 'use the force being repeated in his head so Italy grabbed the floating key blade and watched as it shined brightly and surrounded him with light, red green and white to be specific, and after some needless twirling, tada! Sailor Italy, in his mini skirt and moon power glory was there to punish evil doer in the name of the moon, or pasta.

"Italy! You leveled up!" Said Canada who, at that very moment, was impaled though the torso by a deathclaw that came from the black portal, Canada lost one life out of three and came back, unfortunately to be cut to pieces again.

"Italy help him!" screamed Prussia who turned to see Italy's blinking outline signaling the Italian had deserted this shit long ago. Once the deathclaw shredded poor Canada down to his last life America appear with the answer from Japan, sadly voldemort came from the portal and avada kedavra'd his ass back to level 1. So, Prussia was left with no choice but to run while the deathclaw and evil wizard tortured Canada and America simultaneously.

"dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo dee doo dee doo doo dee dooo doo" Sealand sung the ever so catchy Halloween theme song as he watched Micheal Myers began to stalk Italy down a hall.

Luckily Italy found another secret bonus level were barney and friends quickly taught him how to use the power of friendship as weapon, so when Micheal Myers appeared to slice and dice, Italy knew just what to do. Using the power of friendship, Italy glowed blinding bright and escaped the room while michael couldn't see. Then Italy locked michael in with barney and friends so that he would have some time to escape, hurrah for the magic of friendship for it has saved Italy once again!

Prussia came to a cross-road two-way fork in the hall. Down one path was fire, gold, booze and hott chicks in lederhosen , down the other were rags, soft blue lights and old maids. Of course Prussia chose the booze path and when he did he was immediately turned into a lv. 896 evil shadow blood elf demon and was transported to a bridge with a knight that was guarding it and would not let him pass, even after Prussia cut off all his limbs and the knight claimed they were just flesh wounds, to which Prussia catapulted him off, with a conveniently placed catapult, and crossed the bridge only to meet up with Key blade master Sailor Italy on the other side.

"I see you have defeated all my best monsters!" Cried Sealand through some speaker into the game world. "But nothing could prepare you for this!"

Then the world collapsed in on itself and Dark shadow blood elf demon Prussia and Key blade master sailor Italy fell into the broken spaces of - insert complicated destroyed world description here that mind fucks logic-. Floating in the ruble and darkness another theme song began to play as Sealand giggled maniacally and Italy swore to himself he'd heard the theme somewhere before in Japan.

nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan...

"NO!" cried Prussia

"Yes" cried Sealand as 100,000 nyan cats began to fly around the space.

nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan "...make it stop" nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan

"I actually kind of like this song" Italy said as he petted a kitten and sang along. "nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan"

"Shut up Italy!" Prussia said as he wiped out every delicious poptart kitten with a single fire lazer then collapsed from over exerting himself.

"I'm glad nyan cat did not wipe you out completely." Said a voice from the shadows, it was sephiroth! He appeared as his evil sephirothy theme song played in the background epically drowning out the echos of the left over nyan cat and expolding their heads in pure evil awesomeness. Sephiroth ate one as it fell, then a life changing battle...I mean... duel ensued. One long ass sword verses moon beams and elfin magic!

In the real world sealand watched the battle, along with Austria who forgot about the piano and watched as with one hit Sephiroth had completely raped italy and Prussia's life bars down to 1 % and just as he was about to finish them off England appeared, in the real world and challenged Sealand to a magic duel for Italy and Prussia's freedom, Sealand accepted. Sephiroth put his killing on hold, and along with Prussia and Italy watched the wizard showdown through a screen.

England easily smeared sealand's ass all over Germany's house and set the gamers free, accidentally including sephiroth who went to japan to start another mass genocide in the name of 'mother' besides that, since england gave parenting rights to Sweden he was arrested for abusing a nation-ish child thing that was no longer his and sent to jail. Italy and Prussia never got rid of their video game powers so they went on to become heros, except Prussia was always being hunted down by religious groups and Italy sometimes stalked by spain and japan and china beacuse he was so KAWII and badass. Germany was left in the game that no one knew he was in to begin with so Austria never got his piano fixed and instead went on to doing what he always wanted to do, become a professional prostitute tester.

the end

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The high stats of people that read this amazes me

If your brain is still intact, congrads!

So, flame/ review/ whatever it is you do.


	7. intoxicated

one hour challenge

chapter: intoxicating  
sporadically writing my vulgar geniusness down!

* * *

France decided it was time for the bitches to stand down and the real men to stand up so instantly he telepathically sent a message to every nation, using every day common french telepathy, about an alcohol competition. France secretly knew his champagne would win because it was filled with seductive french seduction and no one can resist seductive french. Anyways every nation accepted because hell, there is a place in the word with out booze and there was nothing better to do.  
At the competition France and everyone lost to who else but Poland and his expensive Diva vodka. In a fit of rage France got on his bulldozer and tried to kill everyone, or at least destroy all the non french liquor but at that moment Tony came down from space with space beer and that intergalactic liquor took the cake, literally, it took a humanoid form, talked with the nations then jammed itself down their throat effectively getting them all space intoxicated.  
And if you've never been intoxicated by space liquor, what in the hell have you been doing!? I mean, space drunk France started to chill out when he began to feel so hott he had to strip, as usual, but it was odd because not only was he doing it, so was every other nation including the girls and Sealand?!  
"honhonhon, I see we are about to have another nation orgy!" France said as he began to get it on with England but was instantly interrupted by dark demon blood elf Prussia's ultimate lazer beam to the face.  
"Back off England, no one messes with a my trio member!" Prussia said as he ran because some wierd religous group was after him, again. Something about sacrifice to the lord bondage tater tot or something equally creepy and up that alley.  
"Amigos adios como la chacha taco sause!" Spain said.  
"Oui, Spain we shall save Prussia from the Religious hunt, after all, he is our trio member." France said as he pulled his Spanish friend along towards the wise and ancient red light district of Netherlands .  
"Master, how shall I save my friend?!" In a whore house France asked of mick Jagger who replied with, 'the power is yours' and a fist pump before he disappeared into a puff of hot pink smoke.  
"Taco?" Spain asked  
"The only way to save him, is to kill him!?" France cried into Spain's sexy and manly arms.  
" Que ocho casa!" Spain cried before a brief moment of love making with France in a red light district display mirror.  
"No, we will show no mercy, even if he is our friend, we have to kill him before lord Bondage tater tot does."  
Just then a child covered in maple syrup stepped from the onlooking crowd and approached the glass, with a swoop of his had it turned into waffles.

"There is another way France! You must go to my planet, the answer is there." Then scarab beetles, much like those from the mummy, flew from the kids mouth and proceeded to burrow into Spain's flesh.  
"DIOS!" Spain said as he fainted.  
"My pets will carve a map to my planet in his back then I will leave you." And shortly after the beetles mapped out the location, and nibbled a bit on Spain's brain, they hopped on the kid who hopped on to the back of a wolf-cockraoch love child and rode off into space singing "All You Need is Love".  
"Spain, do you know what this means!" France said as he dragged Spain's unconscious body to the Eiffel tower. "We can save Prussia and be a trio again, tres bien non!"  
"..." Spain said.  
France tied Spain by the wrist and ankles, with hot pink fuzzy cuffs because they are very stylish, to a leg of the Eiffel tower before he launched it into space for their long voyage.  
Spain woke up sometime when they were in space. "Luna Caliente marco polo?" He asked.  
"No Spain, we breathe space air, now be very very still I need to see where the map leads us."  
After France got the directions he drove the tower into the black hole inside the sun and was instantly teleported to the underground city of el Diablo.  
"El dorado!" Said cried happily as the jumped off the tower and greeted the keeper of time Zeus.  
"Yes, I Zeus am here to give you the answer to all your problems, my dick."  
"Well only because I havent had any in 8 minutes." France said as he began to strip.  
"Por que?! El gato en la horno?!" Spain said as he summoned forth a tennis racket forged from the spines of porn books. With strings made from the pony tail of Cerberus' pubic hair he would smack a ball into the oblivion of the next gateway to hell if only the instant it touched it didn't explode from the intense orgasmic vibrations of the rackets everlasting death song of eternal pain.  
Spain crushed Zeus' body though the racket making Zeus pasta with cheesy god garlic balls on the side as the real time god Poseidon appeared and announce they had passed the trial test and would now receive the true answer.  
Poseidon was just about to say it when Spain smacked the shit out of his ovaries making ravioli of them and sending them straight into France's penis region. On impact France shot up only to realize he had been laying on a sofa with Spain and Prussia apparently intoxicated by the German beer Prussia had bought over for the contest.  
"Oh thank god! "  
"Yes, Poseidon."  
Then Poseidon pulled France out of his day dream and told him to take the Zeus pasta to not only pru-chan but ita-chan and they would be saved but only after the three had an orgy that would rock the universe and impregnate many women through the space time continuum, which they did while covered in butter and listening to the soothing sounds of S&M by rihannah.  
France and Spain waved good bye to Poseidon as the glided down to earth to serve the cursed nations god-pasta.  
Once they ate it Prussia and Italy gained the powers of Zeus and took over the world while shooting lightning beams from their asses.

the end

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thank you for reading!


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